If I SHould Die Before You Wake
by Angeldust
Summary: A angsty HxR fic with some classic sap thrown in. PLEAE R&R! Chapter 2 is up! Yay!
1. MISSION ACCEPTED

If I Should Die Before You Wake

If I Should Die Before You Wake

By: *~Angeldust~*

A/N: I'm back again!Yes, it's another HxR fic, but they're my favorite couple!I got bored of the whole "falling in love plot" so I'm now adding angst to the mix.How fun!If anyone finds this really depressing, keep in mind I'm a really depressing person.Just ask my friends.Now, read on!

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. *Gasps are heard* Tragic isn't it?

Warnings: Angst, depression, sadness, talk of death, some slight sap, and possibly some OOC (depends).

Summary: I don't have one this time.I'm righting on a whim.All I can say is: the gundams are still around and pretend that Heero hadn't said he would never kill again, k?

It's only logical that war-loving freaks would rebel during a time of unrest, but still, this had to be the worst possible time.The Earth Sphere Unified Nation (ESUN) was being torn apart by differing opinions amongst the diplomats.And Vice Foreign Minister Dorlain was taking the worst of it.The press blamed her and the public followed suit.She grew wearier by the day and would eventually break.Then the ESUN would come apart as well.

He had to choose.He could hope the preventers could solve the problem or he could fight yet another battle.Then he had to look at the consequences of each choice: risk starting a war or risk letting Relena fall to pieces.Both were severe outcomes.

Heero sat alone in front of the blinking laptop screen as it barked orders out at him, new orders with every blink.He sat behind the desk in a t-shirt and boxers, his traditional sleeping attire.The weary Relena was asleep upstairs and he wished she would stay that way; she was getting less and less sleep lately.He thought of the hurt look in her eyes if she heard he was gone again.Then she imagined the pain she would be in if another war started.

It was 3:00 A.M. before he made up his mind.He sent the e-mail to Dr. J with the words MISSION ACCEPTED in bold, black letters.He had battled in his heart and mind for hours before he made such a decision.He had decided that the hurt he would cause Relena would disappear when he returned, but the scar of innocent lives lost in battle would not.

He was to leave right away.His orders were to take out the rebel army's base, which was located in Stockholm, Sweden.He was then instructed to destroy any shipments headed to the base and any other assisting rebel groups.He would leave with Wing Zero right away.He ran upstairs with lightning stealth and grabbed his jacket and handgun.

He slowed his pace as he walked past Relena's room.He decided to check on her before he left and he cracked open the door.She had chosen every little girl's ideal room.Pink ruffles coated everything, it had a terrace over looking a beautiful garden that had blooming flowers all year long, and the windows were arranged to catch all sunlight and moonlight in the vast sky above.As he gazed upon her his eyes softened ever so slightly.The moonlight that flooded the room made her golden locks shine and the light on the satin sheets outlined her fragile figure.He gazed upon the pillows and teddy bears the shared her sleeping place and his eyes fell upon one bear in particular.He quietly walked over and picked it up.It was the small brown bear he had giver her for her 16th birthday.He thought she would have thrown it out years ago.He once again gazed down at her gentle face and he decided he could not leave without saying goodbye.The question was how could he do such a thing without saying it to her face.He went downstairs to ponder the new problem.

He decided he could not record a message for fear that someone would hear him and come downstairs.He could not risk one of the other pilots coming down and find out about his plans.In the end he decided to write her a letter.Now that he had decided how to tell her, he had to decide what to tell her.He could not go in to details for confidentiality reasons but he had to tell her something.After another hour of quiet deliberation and many sheets of paper this is what he wrote:

Dear Relena,

I had planned on leaving without goodbye but I found I could not.I was given orders to fight again.I would have liked to stay behind but your hurt will pass and I shall prevent a war.I ask you to watch the news and keep an eye out for me but please don't come looking for me.I must fight this battle alone.By the time you can tell Duo and the others I will be long gone.It will be difficult for both of us but we can pull through.Nonetheless, there is a chance I won't come back alive.In that case, keep this poem in mind, I read it somewhere:

When tomorrow starts without me, and I'm not here to see;  
If the sun should rise and find you're eyes, all filled with tears for me,  
I wish so much you wouldn't cry, the way you did today;  
While thinking of the many things, we didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me, as much as I love you;  
And each time that you think of me, I know you will miss me too.  
But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand;  
An angel came and called my name, and took me by the hand  
And said my place was ready, in Heaven far above.  
And that I'd have to leave behind, all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye,  
For all my life I always thought, I didn't want to die.  
I had so much to live for, so very much to do.  
It seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you.  
I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad,  
I thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday, just a little while;  
I'd say good-bye and kiss you and maybe make you smile.  
But then I fully realized that this could never be.  
For emptiness and memories would take the place of me.  
And when I thought of worldly things, that I would miss tomorrow  
I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through Heaven's gates, I felt so much at home.  
When God looked down and smiled at me from His great golden throne;  
He said, "This is eternity and all I promised you,  
Your life on Earth is over, but here it starts anew,  
I promised not tomorrow, but today will always last,  
And since each day's the same day,  
There's no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful, so trusting and so true,  
Though there were times you did some things,  
You knew you shouldn't do.  
But you have been forgiven, and now at last you're free,  
So won't you take my hand dear child, and share your life with me?"

So when tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart,  
For every time you think of me, I am right there in your heart.

So remember Relena, if I should die before you wake I did not die in vain.Keep fighting to hold this world together and I will do my best to do the same.I will return someday.

-Heero Yuy

He then went out into the garden and picked a rose.He carried the thorny rose and sealed letter up to her room.He slipped into the room and made his way to the bed.He once again picked up the teddy bear and set it atop the other plows and bears.In the bear's arms he placed the rode and letter.He then proceeded to slip out of the room and close the door quietly behind him.

The only other sound that night was of the quiet revving of the Wing Zero's massive engines as Heero flew off into the breaking dawn.Silence followed his departure.

*~End~*

A/N: What did y'all think?If I get some good reviews I'll continue.Any writing or plot ideas would be welcomed.Thanks a lot.

*~Angeldust~*


	2. He was too weak for visitors.

If I Should Die Before You Wake

If I Should Die Before You Wake

By: *~Angeldust~*

A/N: I'm back with another chapter!Yay!Thanks for all the great reviews.I borrowed some of your ideas. (He he. Hope that's all right.)To answer your most popular question, I did not write that poem.I found it on the net.It has a sad story behind it that I won't go into.But anyway, please enjoy the story!

Disclaimer: It *sob* doesn't belong to me! *Sob*

Warnings: See previous chapter.

Summary: Fighting, death, injuries, sadness, so on and so forth.

Relena awoke in a sleepy daze.The early morning sun peeked its way through her frilly pink curtains and crept onto her bed.She got out of bed and went into the bathroom, momentarily not seeing the flower or note.She stared at her image in the large bathroom mirror.Her hair was disheveled mess, which was taken care of by a few swipes of a brush.Her sleepy face was cleaned with soap and water.She brushed her teeth with a lavender toothbrush, and then proceeded to use her mouthwash.She then looked down at her pajamas.She had chosen to sleep in her favorite pair.A pair of long, soft pants with a cloud pattern all over them covered her legs.A short spaghetti strap tank top with the word "Dreamy" written on clods covered her torso.Then she wiggled her toes causing the clouds on the toes of her blue slippers to move around.She smoothed the wrinkles on her shirt and left the bathroom to go eat breakfast.

As she walked past her bed she noticed one of her bears were out of place.She walked over to put back in its rightful place when she noticed the bear was holding a sealed envelope and a white rose.She tried to pick up the rose and was pricked by one of the thorns.She quickly went back into the bathroom for a band-aid. When she reemerged she went right back to the letter.She left the rose where it had fallen on the bed, afraid to pick it up again.She picked up the envelope carefully and pulled open the seal. By the time she had gotten through the first two sentences she had to sit down with shock.She missed the bed and landed on the floor, but she didn't seem to notice.She read the rest of the letter, her eyes filling up with tears more and more each sentence.When she at last finished she held the letter in her hand and began to sob.She couldn't seem to stop the tears from coming.As she cried she thought to herself

'Pull yourself together.You never acted this way before.The stress must really be getting to you.Now stop crying this instant and go downstairs and tell the guys the news.They need to know.'

As much as she thought about stopping and getting up she couldn't seem to.Her relief came when a worried Dorothy came to upstairs to say that she would be late for her conference if she didn't get moving.

Dorothy ran into the room and immediately noticed the crying Relena on the floor.She rushed over to her and said,

"Miss Relena!What's wrong?"

All Relena could do was hand Dorothy the letter.Dorothy was silent for a moment as she read the letter.Her eyes widened with every sentence.When she was done she said to Relena,

"Come on now Miss Relena.The letter says you must be strong.I'm sure Quatre and the others can find him.You must do your part and bring this new rebel force to the attention of the Earth Sphere Unified Nation representatives.Now up!"

Dorothy dragged Relena to her wardrobe and pulled out a white pantsuit.She then pushed Relena and the suit into the bathroom, closed the door, and waited.Relena emerged a few minutes later, puffy eyed, but not crying.Silently the pair made their way down the stairs.

When Dorothy had seated Relena at the kitchen table with a plate of eggs she went over to Quatre on the other side of the kitchen.She handed him the note, said something, them walked away.Quatre walked out of the kitchen in a rush a few minutes later.

Relena spoke all day to the ESUN representatives.She told them of the new threat and the representatives slowly made arrangements to address the new problem.And for one more day Vice Foreign Minister Relena held the ESUN together.How long she could do that though she did not know.

She walked in the door and immediately went to watch the nightly news.News of the new battle was the top story that evening.The news team had captured spectacular images of the Wing Zero engaged in battle.She watched in fear but heard no reports of any injuries to the Gunman's pilot.Quatre had no luck getting to them.The area around the main battle was impenetrably guarded.All he could do was watch alongside Relena fearing for his friend's safety.

It went like that for many months.Relena held the ESUN together, Quatre and the others dealt with their daily lives, they all watched the news at night, and the fighting raged on.Until one night that is...

Relena got word that the battles were over.She was overjoyed and quickly got word to the others.She looked forward to going home to see Heero again.She ran through the door and was met only by Quatre and the others.Heero had not come.Her heart fell but she remained hopeful.

'He probably had trouble getting back.A lot of people wanted to talk to him.' Relena reasoned with herself.

She carried on like that until her secretary gave her the horrible news.Heero was in critical condition in a hospital in Sweden.He had been badly injured over the course of the fights and it caught up with him in the end.

Without calling anyone she canceled her appointments and flew to Sweden on her government jet.All through the ride she was bombarded with questions regarding her sudden departure.She refused to answer any of them.

At first the doctors said she could not see him.He was too weak for visitors.Relena was growing angry and finally pulled rank on the doctors, who immediately let her in once confirming her title.

She rushed to a chair beside his bed and looked down at him in utter fear.He was hooked up to so many machines she could hardly see his face.His breath was raspy and shallow.She gathered the courage to pick up his hand.She squeezed it gently and said, "I'm here for you Heero.Everything's going to be all right."

She gasped as he opened his eyes and said, "Relena…"

*~End~*

A/N: Oohh! I love to write cliffhangers.Tell me what y'all think and what I should do next.I have an idea but I need some more.Please review!


	3. A deafening silence evveloped the hallwa...

If I Should Die Before You Wake

If I Should Die Before You Wake

*~Angeldust~*

A/N: Thanks for all the great reviews!You're suggestions were duly noted and I'll try and weave them into the story as best I can.Please don't stop reviewing!I need your comments to keep me going!I don't know how much longer I'm going to let this fic ramble on, but we'll see.Now, onward and forward!

Summary:You should be able to guess the basic plot by now people!

Disclaimer:If the world were fair GW would be mine.But it's not, oh well!

"I'm here for you Heero.Everything's going to be all right.Duo and the others will be here soon," Relena said as she hovered over him.

" Relena…" Heero choked.

"Shh.Don't try and talk.The doctors said you should be as still as possible," urged Relena.

As Relena was telling Heero to take it easy, Duo, Hilde, Trowa, Catherine, Quatre, Dorothy, Wufei, Sally, Zechs, and Noin walked in.Out of the entire bunch Duo looked the most stricken.He kept letting depressing thoughts of Heero dieing into his head.Hilde sensed Duo's uneasy feelings and tried to comfort him,

"I'm sure he'll pull through Duo.Heero's a strong person and he doesn't give up easily.Plus, you need to be strong for him."

"Right," Duo said, " I have to be strong."And with that Duo marched up to the reception desk and addressed the nurse by saying,

"Which room is Heero Yuy in?"

"Hold on one moment please," the nurse said while checking her files, "He's in room 267 in the ICU wing.But please limit yourselves to short visits. Mr. Yuy needs all the rest he can get."

"Thank you.Did anyone else come looking for him?" Duo inquired.

"Um... Yes, A Ms. Relena Peacecraft came in asking about him earlier in the day," the nurse answered.

"Thank you," Duo said and walked away.As soon as the group walked away their faces fell collectively.Duo noticed this and voiced the groups concerns by saying to Hilde,

"ICU?Is he really that bad?Short visits?Man, Heero finally got himself in deep trouble.Hey Zechs, you look as worried as I do.What's up?"

"I'm worried about how this is affecting Relena.Being Vice Foreign Minister is taking its toll and now this.I'm afraid she's going to crack soon," Zechs said as worried creases appeared on his brow.

"Why don't you talk to her while the rest of us take turns visiting?" Catherine suggested.

"That's a great idea Catherine.I might just do that.Thank you," Zechs said a little more hope in his voice.

The group had reached the ICU wing by now and the worried looks soon retuned as the group passed room after room of patients hooked up to dozens of machines.Duo looked like he was about to collapse on the floor and have a breakdown.Hilde put an arm around his waist to help keep him steady.He, in turn, grasped her free hand for extra support. After turning down several more bleak looking corridors the group came to room 267.Duo cautiously peeked his head in the open doorway and saw Relena by Heero's side.Relena terrible and Heero looked even worse.Heero was hooked up to so many machines Duo lost count after only a few minutes.But he could tell that a small pump by the side of the bed was what kept forcing air into Heero's lungs.He turned to Hilde and whispered,

"It looks bad Hilde.He's hooked up to so many machines I lost count.He can't even breathe on his own!"

"Take it easy," Hilde said, "How's Relena holding up?"

"She looks awful.I can tell she's trying really hard not to break down and cry.It's heartbreaking to watch."

"Ok.Calm down Duo.Get Relena's attention and call her out here.Then you can go and talk to Heero."

"Right.Get Relena's attention.I can do that."And with that Duo turned and hissed into the room,

" Relena!Relena!"At hearing her name she turned.As soon as she saw Duo motioning for her to come out she sprang out of her chair and ran to Duo.All of her tears came pouring out as she clung to Duo's neck.She tried to speak but the sentences came out choked and quiet.

"Oh Duo!He looks so…bad!The doctors…don't even know…if he'll make it!"

"Shh, Shh.Sit down so the others can visit.Try to calm down.Zechs is here and he wants to see you.There you go.I'll get Zechs."Duo walked over to the older man and motioned to Relena as she whispered.Zechs nodded and the men parted.Zechs walked over to Relena and sat down next to her.He clasped her hand before asking,

"How are you holding up Relena?"

"Not well.He's dieing Zechs.Dieing!"Hissed Relena.

"You have to think positively.I'm sure he'll pull through.He's strong.It's _you_ I'm worried about."

Meanwhile, Duo had gone into the hospital room.He took up Relena's chair and began to talk.

"Hey Heero.How you doing?You shouldn't have gone on this mission.You should have let us help.But you always had to do things for yourself didn't you?Man, the girl you love is practically having a nervous breakdown out there.If you die she'll die of heartbreak.All of us will.The nurse told me to keep it short so I'll go.But remember, you gotta pull through.You _gotta_."

Choking back tears he left the room.Hilde was at the door waiting for him.She wrapped herself around him and walked him over to some chairs on the opposite side of the hallway.Relena looked calmer and the small group was deciding who should go next.Then, like a sudden thunderstorm, Relena broke down again.This time it was really bad, she couldn't control the racking sobs and she slunk to the floor.She was shaking so hard no one could pick her back up.As Relena cried, the loud, high-pitched sound of a stopping heartbeat came from the hospital room.Within seconds, the room was filled with doctors and nurses trying to revive the young man.Duo began to cry softly and everyone who wasn't already sitting and crying sunk to the floor and began to sob.For several long minutes only sobs and voices filled the hallway.Then the sobs subsided and the nurses and doctors quieted. A deafening silence enveloped the hallway.

*~End~*

A/N:What should happen?How much longer should I continue?Please tell me!


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